First off, remember the golden rule “If you cant say anything nice don’t say anything at all.”
But doesn’t that sometimes just feel like you are the one getting short changed?
Doesn’t it just sometimes feel like those mean, negative nellies and neds need to be put in their place, and have one massive karmic review done?
Trust me when I say, this one was hard for me. I was challenged big time on this one going through a difficult divorce and also making the decision to pursue my love of writing + coaching.
The divorce situation if almost understandable(albeit frustrating), but why the coaching and writing? Why would people be negative about that?
Why would anyone be negative towards you when you decide to chase your dreams, speak your truth,and live your passions?
Because it stirs up their fears, their insecurities, and their wounds. If they are bashing what you are doing, and picking on you—chances are they see you stepping into your light, and they notice how they have allowed their own light to be dimmed.
There are going to be those that try to knock you down—always.
When we, as entrepreneurs—CHOOSE to spread our wings and GO FOR IT—it can stir up stuff in others.
It’s not you. It’s not about you.
And it really doesn’t matter what they think about you.
What they think of you is not the point. How you react to negativity—in any form—is the point.
The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth is that—you got rise above it. You’ve got to let it go. You’ve got to pull a Ghandi and CHOOSE THE HIGHER ROAD.
Even though it can feel like a pesky little dog bitting at your heels, you gotta find a way to set healthy boundaries, and to not attach to the negativity—that is what most of them want.
They want to prod you enough until you bite back. They want your energy.
They want to prove that you really aren’t that committed, really aren’t that clear and really aren’t that focused.
Don’t let the energy vampires drain your light, your truth, your power. Don’t do it.
This doesn’t mean ignoring it and not standing up for yourself, but it does mean not engaging in unhealthy reactions. You can speak your truth in a calm, clear, grounded way and transcend the unhealthy pattern of being reactive towards negativity.
Your mantra in a tough situation would go like this . . .
“Right now, right here, I have two choices. I can choose to react, engage and let this throw me off track, or I can allow the feelings, recognize them, and CHOOSE to let it go. I choose to feel good.”
The secret to all this is that once you master this, all the sudden these people go away. It’s like the universe popping in every now and then, to see if you have this lesson handled. The less you react and engage, the less they will be biting at your heels.
Try it for 30 days and see what happens. Choose to react differently.
Leave a comment below and let me know how you deal with difficult people!
p.s. Song recommendation: Blind Melon—No Rain.
Last week I talked about hiring a coach or mentor to up level your life and business. Now that you have that perfect coach or mentor, we need to chat a little bit about the copycat syndrome.
As I am sure you can gather from the name, the copycat syndrome, is when, well . . . we copy people in our life or business.
Now why the heck would we do such a thing?
Gosh, we just found this dreamy coach that has this dialed in message, they have this unbelievable brand and clearly they have it all figured out. And you say, “ I want what they have! If I just do what they are doing, I will get their results! Right?”
Wrong! Well, partially wrong.
It’s not that simple. I mean, yes, there are obviously things you might want to consider copying or maybe a better word would be following—like advice on how to market, the practical how-to stuff of running a business or amazing life.
But what I am not talking about is copying websites, content, their personal style, their wording, their programs or offerings—or their ideas.
We’ve all heard the saying “Imitation is the highest form of flattery” but is it really?
Marketing ideas, branding ideas, things to help with the logistical aspects of running a business or having a masterful life. Yes, take that advice and integrate it into your life, but done be a copycat.
It screams that you don’t truly believe in you.
Here are some things to consider in regards to not falling into the copycat syndrome:
- Make your business + life your own. Your authenticity (or being real) is what will attract people and it’s what will make you stand out in the sea of online gurus, marketers and entrepreneurs. Copying someone else’s deal with only drive people away from you. Plus, it’s just lame.
- Its’ most easy to fall into this trap when you aren’t feeling confident, feeling a bit lost in your life and business or are just getting started in a new venture. So, remember to choose you. Choose self-care, tuning everything else out and just BEING with you. Meditate. Find yourself damnit!
- Remember to notice what you like about others and then find your unique spin on it. For example, say you really like how a coach does mostly online videos rather than blog posts. You prefer that too. You notice that they do a weekly Q and A, or something like that. DON’T copy their mannerisms or their format—do something really YOU.
- What do you love? What do people seek you out for? What would you do regardless if people paid you for it, or even knew about it? Music? Art? Cooking? Jokes? What makes you special? Capitalize on your gifts, your strengths and your passions. Use it. Find an interesting way to incorporate that into your business.
- I have found in my life and coaching business, that we people are in that “ I don’t know, I can’t figure it out, I am not sure” phase, that what they are really saying is that they are out of touch with what they want and out of touch with themselves. If you feel that way often, then I would get coaching on exactly that topic. It is beyond liberating to break free of that tormenting voice of “I don’t know.” Because the truth is—you do know.
- Take a break from everyone else’s newsletters, suggestions and idea for awhile. Get off the guru hopping! If you really can’t access YOUR voice, you need to tune the other ones out for a while to find YOU in there. Give it a break. Choose to find you by stepping away from all the other information.
In some respects, most everything is recycled information. Someone just finds a way to put his or her unique spin on it.
So, I understand that it can be hard to avoid the copycat syndrome in some respects. Sometimes it happens and people don’t even realize it, but mostly, it happens because we aren’t listening to our truths, our voices, our passions + inner fire.
Being successful in life or in your business is about being successful with you. You come first.
Being real is about being you, not about trying to be like someone else—that’s already being done. Be you, 100%, homegrown organic. That is what people are going to find the most charismatic, alluring and well, real.
Merci et xxoo
Carrie Jolie Dale
Absolutely! Yes! Oui!!
Having a coach or mentor is the best way to increase your results in any aspect of your life or business.
They can keep you accountable.
They can keep you on track.
They can teach you things you didn’t know about yourself.
They can help you see things that you can’t.
They can teach you how to do it right the first time.
They can help you grow into the best version of you.
Finding a good mentor or coach is critical when you are looking to step into a new place of passion + power in your life.
When looking for someone to coach or mentor with, consider these things:
- What are your needs?
- What exactly do you want to accomplish with this coach?
- Be specific. The universe LOVES specifics. If you want specific back, be detailed and specific. If you want vague, be vague.
- Create an exact list of tangible things you desire-more clients, a certain amount of money per month, branding, SEO, website stuff, time management or to get another perspective on your life + your business.
- Create a list of intangible, spiritual or personal things you’d like to get out of a coaching or mentoring relationship-more confidence, greater connection to your truth, your purpose, healing old wounds and getting out of victim and/or excuse mode, more joy.
- Do you enjoy their vibe? Their energy? What they write about, blog about?
- If you are a “touchy feely “ person, try to go see them in person and see if it feels like there is an energetic match.
- Meditate about it.
- Ask God, or your higher power.
- Listen to your gut and/or intuition.
- Show me the money! Find out what it costs, what you are willing to spend, them multiply that times two. Seriously. Investing in myself was the best thing I have ever done . . . but gotta find the right coach/mentor first.
I saved the money one for last because it is the biggest trigger for most people.
Here is the deal. If you invest in your self—and not just $100 an hour—but invest to that point that it challenges you. It feels like a bit of a stretch.
It challenges you for a reason.
If you want to have a financial breakthroughs, then start by investing more than you normally would on yourself. It’s called a breakthrough because it is a change, a stretch, growth and a new way of thinking.
YOU WILL WORK HARDER AND YOU WILL GET SHIT DONE.
Or, as Tina Fey says . . .
I invested about six times what I felt comfortable with and I have the reaped the rewards time and time over. My ROI was worth it, and then some.
How would it feel to invest $5000 in your personal growth? $10,000? $100,000? What would you expect of yourself? How would you utilize that time? Would you skip assignments or be late to coaching calls?
When you really, truly, 110%, black and white, no holding back commit to yourself, your dreams, your truth and your inner fire—it will show up.
When you ask, and line up your energy, magic happens, doors open, opportunities abound.
There are ways to really get dialed in with manifesting like a ninja master that can speed up that process. I can help with that. I am a manifesting coach and a real life manifesting success story.
Enough about me.
You. Get a coach(that’s not an order even thought it sounds bossy). Invest in you. Live your dreams.
Be super happy. Choose you.
It’s like that.
Carrie Jolie Dale
p.s. The picture above is my coach, Tara Marino and I at her event in San Diego.
- real; genuine; authentic.
- sincerity; integrity.
- fidelity to an original or standard
We all know what it means—or do we? Do we really know what it means to be completely truthful with ourselves, and others?
Are you being super-duper honest about your desires, your passions, your deepest truths?
You will feel it if you do. You will feel it if you don’t.
How does it feel when we are lined up with our truths?
- Full of possibility
I say a big, big YES to these things. Amen.
How does it feel to NOT be lined up with out truths?
I say NO THANK YOU, to these things.
So we can get a clue about being in, or out of our truths by simply tapping into how we feel. Chances are, if you predominantly feel stuck, bored, worried and distracted, then you are not fully embracing your truth.
How can you get unstuck and get back in the zone with YOUR TRUTH?
Here are some things that have helped so many of us:
- Get a coach-really do your research and find someone that has the results you desire, but also that you feel a deep connection to. Even the most successful coaches and entrepreneurs out there use coaches. They invest in themselves. There is something about making that commitment in yourself that opens doors.
- Meditate. I know, I know. I am an Aries, meditating was like pulling teeth for me. I resisted it soooo… much. I am telling you—learning how to just become a conscious breather, is HUGE. It’s little things like these that we put off—that can have the most massive impact in our lives.
- Breathe. If you cant mediate, then Breath. Really breathe. None of this shallow breathing. Deep, conscious breathe. Do it at your computer, while driving, eating, working, and shopping. Breath.
- Make a list of the things that make you feel expansive and good. Do more of those. Walks by the river, playing with your dog, reading a new book, manicure day, buying cute new panties—whatever it is. Do more of it.
- Make a list of the things that make you feel shut off and icky. Do less of that. Really make an effort to NOT engage in things that don’t feel you spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. Disengage from the energy suckers.
- ASK. Ask God, your higher power, your guides, and the universe—whatever it is for you—for help to find your truth, and step into it in a bigger way. I did this and from that space, I wrote a book, travel to Europe several times a year, have an AMAZING love in my life, am super healthy and I have two really, really cute dogs (this is big).
As the saying goes . . .The truth shall set you free. Dorky, I know, but it’s true.
Go be unabashedly free-guilt free!
Carrie Jolie Dale
Choose you. What’s the first thing you think when you read this?
That’s selfish. I already do choose me. I am not even sure what she’s talking about. I don’t have time. I don’t need to. That’s rubbish!
Any of those ring true for you?
I thought I was choosing me, but when I really took a good look at it, I actually put everyone else before me. I would drop anything in a heartbeat for those I loved. I would put things that were my passions and soul callings to the side to help others. I was brilliant at self-sacrifice.
I thought it was selfish and uncaring it I didn’t.
I mean, they need me. They need you too, right? I mean the dishes have to get done, the kids need driving, and the partner needs help. You have to help them. It’s your job.
Or, is it?
Let’s get really real here. Do you really need to drop everything for everyone else? How about putting what matters to you in the lead, at times? I am not suggesting dropping your responsibilities. I am just urging you to realize this is your life and you only have a certain number of days here. So . . .
Let’s make it matter.
Leave your mark. Sing. Be happy. Go skinny-dipping. Play with your kids. Write that book. Paint that painting. Play your piano. Hug more. Eat the cake—guilt free.
You can, CHOOSE YOU, and still be there for others, live your truth and be fulfilled. Be carefree and easy about it.