Just because we “get” something intellectually doesn’t mean we truly believe it or think it’s possible for us.
And even if we get it intellectually, AND believe it—sometimes we forget to practice it or implement into our lives.
Can you relate?
I was reminded of this very glaringly this weekend when I returned from a life changing trip to San Diego.
This trip was a reunion with some very powerful women. Women who are movers and shakers in their careers, families, communities and spiritual lives.
We laughed, cried, journaled, set powerful intentions and generally fit about 2 years of deep personal work in 4 days.
In a nutshell—we moved some mountains.
But I didn’t realize how truly transformational it was until I got home and started seeing the power of intention already working miracles in my life.
And not just my life—but those closest to me as well.
I won’t get into the nitty- gritty of the miracles that unfolded, but suffice to say that it was a massive, miraculous shift : )
The powerful intentions I set while in San Diego had already begun shifting things in a matter of days.
So what the heck is an intention and how can you get moving on it so YOU can move a few mountains yourself (or at the very least create change)?
A standard, text book definition of an intention is this—
- A thing intended; an aim or plan.
But a more fitting definition from a manifesting perspective would be—
- An intention is a desire, dream or goal that you passionately envision creating in your life. It’s something that you may not physically see evidence of right now, but through creating a detailed vision about what you want—you create an energy which open doors to making it real. It’s the process of turning a dream into reality.
For example—it’s creating a “day-dream” or written statment about what your soul mate is like—right down to every last detail. What color is his hair? What clothes is he wearing when you first meet him? Color of his eyes? The tone of his voice. The way you feel when he looks at you.
It can be a written story or internal vision you create about all the wealth you have—even though your checking account says otherwise.
It’s confidence in knowing what you want is on it’s way—even though you may not see evidence of it.
But how do you get yourself to feel something or envision something so clearly when it feels forced, faked or fabricated?
Here are a few things that you can implement right away that can help you with this—
- First off—change the perspective on it being fake, forced or fabricated. Have fun with it and approach it with a youthful, curious mindset. Do young kids feel bad about daydreaming? Be a kid about it. Dream away.
- See it as a gift—you have creative control in your life and can have a HUGE impact on what happens by choosing to focus on what you want, rather than seeing what you don’t want (advanced manifesting topic which I will cover in an upcoming mini course)
- Place the focus on what it feels like to ALREADY HAVE that thing in your life. Stay with that feeling.
Intentionsetting also has an element of letting go which is critical to getting the results you want.
Many people are actually better at this than they think, but they have unconscious, self sabotaging energy and beliefs that chase away the dream that showed up for them (more on this in the next broadcast : )
Intention setting—when done right—is another powerful tool in your arsenal for living a good life.
And who doesn’t want to have a life where you actually get to live your dreams, rather than just dreaming them?
It’s even better than moving mountains.
Your turn now. What’s your relationship with intention setting? Is it something you’re doing? A little, a lot, not at all? I’d love to know.
The topic of manifesting has been around for a LONG time.
Before authors like Esther Hicks and Wayne Dyer brought the concepts of law of attraction mainstream—these ideas could be found sprinkled throughout the Bible, in Buddhist beliefs and in Ancient Egyptian writings.
It’s a topic that has been written and talked about by some of the greatest and most powerful minds of all time—and for good reason.
The idea is—that when you line up you energy with what you desire in life and make a conscious effort to consistently keep your energy aligned with those things—they will appear in your life (manifest).
But have you ever asked for something from the universe and it hasn’t magically show up for you?
Have you read many of these great books, felt pretty certain you’re doing what you’re supposed to—and things haven’t shown up for you?
Law of Attraction (LOA) and manifesting are brilliant tools to help us create a life we love—when they work. But there are several flaws or misconceptions that trip people up when trying to understand and apply manifesting principles.
Here are 5 of those misconceptions—
1. It’s simple or easy. When people hear “Ask and it is given”—they think that all they need to do is ask and it is given. While this is possible, it’s not the norm (otherwise everyone would win the lottery : ) It’s not just about asking. It’s aboutlining up your energy with what you want—and that isn’t always simple or easy. If you have a lifetime of negative energy about a topic (say creating wealth)—it may take more than just asking to change those ingrained beliefs. We have to combine a shift in our feelings and beliefs about what we desire with the asking.
2. It’s too complicated and requires too much work. Yes, it can be seen as both oversimplified AND overcomplicated. Most people like the idea of “Ask and it’s given”—because it’s simple. Asking is easy, right? But the truth is—it can get complicated and a little messy when we are trying to rewrite years of messed up programming in our brains. Just as we can get tripped about it being too easy (and give up when it’s not) we can get tripped up on it being too much work. The point is—being aware to not let either excuse hold you back.
3. Focus on the future, not the present. The key to being successful at manifesting is to learn to keep your primary focus on the NOW. This trips people up because it seems like the very essence of manifesting is to create something that isn’t here yet—which sort of automatically puts us in the future. But it isn’t about feeling better once we get what we want. It’s about placing the focus on the NOW and feeling good NOW. This is what helps us get in the miracle zone with manifesting.
4. Thinking it’s about the end result. We almost always associate manifesting with an end result—I will be happier once I get x,y or z. It’s hard not to because that’s sort of why we are doing in in the first place, right? We are working on changing our energy, so we can get something we don’t have . . . an end result. This isn’t the way to look at it though. The key is to be clear about what you want, yes. But then the key is to keep a steady, excited energy in the present moment. The better you get at feeling good NOW, regardless of what’s showing up in your life—the more a magnet you become for your desires.
5. Not enough clear steps and guidance on the “how-to” part of it.Clear, consistent “how-to” steps in regards to manifesting are left out of many of the teachings—or it’s confusing. Simply telling someone to feel good who has been chronically depressed most of their life–won’t help. You need clear guidance and steps and the how-to when you’re dealing with deeply ingrained habits of thinking and feeling.
These 5 misconceptions can get in the way of us learning to create what we want in life with manifesting .
And sometimes by simply understanding the flaws in something—you can gain more clarity about the strengths.
But one thing I want to make SUPER clear is that these “flaws” are really flaws in how we are perceiving manifesting. It’s not that there are flaws in manifesting—there are flaws in how we are relating to and interpreting it.
When you get to the point with manifesting where things just seem to effortlessly fall into place—it really is like living in a magical world. But as with most great things in life—there’s a learning curve.
It requires a bit of work and persistence.
But after awhile, it gets easier.
It becomes more habitual.
And you trade those feelings, thoughts and beliefs that worked against getting what you want—with the new improved versions.
The versions that support your well-being and happiness.
And that’s worth the work, in my opinion!
Self help is great in some respects and in others, it can be frustrating, confusing and jut plain wackadoodle.
It’s not that I don’t think it has merit (I am a self help author and coach after all : )
It’s that there are a few central beliefs that are thrown around in the self help world, that may trip people up.
They may actually make you wanna pull your hair out and scream profanities at the universe.
We start to hear them so much—that they are reduced to catchy new age slogans that we sort of tune out after awhile.
You learn about the “manifest your dreams” thing. You study it. You get excited about it. You read more books about it, maybe attend a workshop.
You’re hopeful. Excited even.
And then it doesn’t work.
You still don’t like your job.
You still feel disconnected.
You still don’t have six pack abs, stacks of gold or endless youth and vitality.
And you certainly don’t feel like you’re manifesting your dreams.
So you decide that—
Self help must not work. That woo-woo stuff must be a bunch of b.s.
And you scream profanities at the universe.
I get it. I’ve been there.
If you follow the self help or spiritual growth world—there’s little doubt you’ve heard the following sayings. But as with anything in life, let’s look at them with a curious, open mind and make sure they are truly of benefit to us—and not actually holding us back or a source of frustration (an energy that doesn’t help us to attract what we want)
8 self-help beliefs that may do more harm than good—
1. Everything happens for a reason—Maybe it doesn’t. Maybe some things happens, just because they do. Maybe we don’t need to try to connect ourselves to horrible things, and internalize that we deserve it, or we attracted it. Maybe some things just happen, regardless of our energy, our horoscope or how the planets are lined up. Maybe the only reason it happened is for us to learn to maintain our vibration, no matter what (very good idea indeed)
2. Ask and it is given. Maybe everything we ask for, isn’t given—in exactly the way we ask for it…. Maybe, as the Rolling Stones say—”You can’t always gets what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need.”
This, I found to be spot on. While I genuinely believed that winning millions in the lottery was not only possible, but highly probable, it still didn’t happen. But what did happen, is that I won the “life lottery” in so many more meaningful ways than just a mountain of money (but yes, the prosperity showed up too : )
3. You get what you give (or you attract everything to you based on what energy you give out in the world) Mmmmmm, as much as Abraham Hicks tries to explain why young kids get horrible diseases, and why traumatic things happen to innocent souls—I don’t buy this one all the time.
And, it’s another potential black hole for guilt. If all these bad things happen to me—then I must have deserved it, right? This one, we need to take with a grain of salt and be easy on ourselves.
Yes, I do believe we are energetic magnets. I do think there is great value in learning to master how we feel and what we think. I also believe that there are certain things that fall out of our ability to explain, or make sense of. And the best thing we can do is get back to a place of feeling good, feeling better and being playful, deliberate and light about our energy, no matter what happens.
4. Don’t do it if it doesn’t feel good. I am pretty sure cleaning toilets won’t ever feel good to me. Or paying taxes. But I do them anyway. I like not being in jail and having a clean toilet! And even beyond those trivial things—there are the larger growth phases we may go through in life, that don’t feel good. But when we move beyond our comfort zone, feel a bit of the uncomfortableness—the gifts that are on the other side are worth it.
5. Live just for the moment, just for the now. As a parent of an 18 and 20 year old, to tell them to only live for the now and today—would be leaving out a big part of it. Yes, I get the idea behind this one. Be present. Enjoy the now. But I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my “now” is pretty amazing because a few years back, I planned ahead, thought about my future and set things in motion to make sure my “now” would be what I wanted it to be.
Sometimes you gotta live for tomorrow a little bit as well. It’s not just about now. It’s about setting the intention to have a succession of successful and pleasing “nows.” That requires we think ahead, plan ahead and create a vision for what we want our tomorrow to look like.
6. Never say never. I am never going to intentionally eat insects. Never. Never going to jump out of a plane. Never. I will never again spend so much of my energy on being angry or arguing over pointless things. There are things I know I will never do again. It’s ok to say never when you’re that clear. Clarity is good.
7. You create your reality. Do the babies that get hurt or have horrible illnesses create that reality? Some would say it’s the parents’ energy. Some would say that yes, that child did, on an energetic level—create whatever is in their reality. I don’t buy it. I think sometimes bad things simply happen. It’s then up to us to react, feel and think in ways that get us back on track, energetically speaking.
While I do believe this one a good portion of the time, there are certain situations that I simply can’t accept as being created by that person. God will have some explaining to do. Again, this one can make some feel like they deserve unwanted or bad things and can create unnecessary guilt and self doubt.
8. We are all mirrors or we are all one. I am not one with certain people. Just no. My energy and who I am, is not one and the same with people who do unspeakable things. Nope. If this is a universal truth, God will have to explain this one as well. Just don’t buy it and I think it turns people away from self help and personal growth.
There is good intention behind all these beliefs. And there are aspects of each, that I believe to be absolutely true.
But the main point we need to remember here is this—
Lets not be sheeple!!! (see definition)
sheeple—people compared to sheep in being docile, foolish, or easily led.
Let’s shy away from believing something simply because the latest, greatest self help author or guru wrote about it.
And better yet, let’s not be spiritual sheeple.
Let’s not believe it just because the latest, greatest self help author or guru wrote about it.
Believe it because it feels right and adds value to your life.
We gravitate towards self help to be helped.
To feel better. To manifest our dreams. To feel loved and connected.
We reach out to self help to . . . get help!
So if it isn’t helping, then move on or take a good hard look at YOU.
Maybe it isn’t the saying that doesn’t work. Maybe it’s old beliefs, ways of thinking and feeling that are tripping you up.
Maybe you do create your reality through your energy—but simply understanding what that means, isn’t enough.
It has to be lived.
And it has to be felt, known and believed in such a way that there isn’t an OUNCE OF DOUBT.
AND THAT, my dear friend—takes patience, time and commitment.
But that’s a whole other topic (and post)
Remember—it takes us decades to learn ways of reacting, feeling and thinking in the world that maybe DON’T work in our favor.
So let’s give ourselves a little break, be patient and acknowledge that it may take a bit more that a workshop, a book or one online program—to change something in our life.
Self-help and personal growth are merely tools we can use to get closer to what we want in life.
But ultimately any of those tools, beliefs and online workshops, aren’t worth a dime if your aren’t going to make a conscious choice to change the thing you want to change.
SO IT COMES DOWN TO A CHOICE.
You have to consciously CHOOSE to change.
But how cool is that?
It’s ultimately, your choice.
Your choice how your life looks + feels.
“The essence of all beautiful art, all great art, is gratitude.”
– Friedrich Nietzsche
So I’m not really going to write about the art of being a whiner, in the sense that I really think it’s an art—and to be appreciated or revered like the Mona Lisa.
Rather, I want to whine about the whiners.
And if you don’t know what the official definition of a whiner is, see below and thank you to the almighty Merriam Webster—
- a person who makes frequent complaints usually about little things
I think we could expand that definition to include big things as well. There are plenty of people who make a habit out of whining about the big things—taxes, politics, environmental and social issues, etc.
But the MAJOR difference I see between whining and constructively bringing awareness to “big” topics —is that whining generally doesn’t involve any sort of solution and it tends to be a repetitive pattern–sort of like a broken record.
I mean, most of us don’t LOVE taxes, but is whining about it 24/7 really doing anything? No it isn’t.
Yes, we can bring awareness to important topics, but in order to fix a perceived problem—we have to quickly switch our predominant focus (vibration) to solution based thinking.
The truth is—we’ve become a society of chronic whiners. And why is that? We have more “stuff,” more supposed freedom and more choices than ever before—yet we whine, we whine and we whine a little more.
We complain about little things like our iPhone reception, the horrible wifi connection, the traffic, how much we don’t like our ______our_______and our________. And we complain about the larger, much more pressing issues—but it seems few actually get out in the trenches and do something about it.
We like to complain A LOT for a society that supposedly has A LOT. So . . . .maybe it’s not the stuff that makes us happy (big hint).
Or maybe it’s that the complaining is actually a pretty big clue that our lives are—
- out of balance
- not appreciated enough
- or a big combination of both
The point is—if you care anything about living a life that is energetically awesome, joy filled and full of things you love—whining won’t be instrumental in getting (or keeping) you there.
Whining ruins things. Whining makes you feel icky. It is an insidious little jerk that winds up sucking the sparkle and light from your soul.
So, what this article is really about isn’t the art of whining—it’s about the art of appreciating.
Because appreciating is really the opposite energy of whining. And appreciation is what gets you happy, healthy, abundant and just basically like a puppy frolicking in a spring meadow full of flowers (I know, it’s dorky, but isn’t it a cute visual?)
Here are 4 simple tips to turn a bad case of the whines into a better case of appreciation and gratitude (because this is what gets you the goods)—
- Pay attention. Most people are super detached from who they really are and how they are showing up in life. Choose to pay attention to the overall vibes you are putting out into the universe. Committing to becoming more aware of what you are offering is critical.
- Notice patterns and major “themes” that you tend to repeat. Do you manage to feel a great deal of gratitude in certain situation or at certain times? And in other situations, notice it heads south into the deep, dark abyss of whiner-land? Note those times that you feel deep gratitude and appreciation and—DO THAT MORE. And note those times you head towards the dark side and—DO THAT LESS.
- Appreciation journal. Create an appreciation journal and before you go to bed every night and write down what you appreciate in your life. If you’re too tired or lazy to do this—go back to step one and start over. The more you find to appreciate, the more to appreciate will find you.
- Practice, commit and repeat. Turn these simple few steps into a new habit. It only takes about 30 days to change a behavior and the same amount of time to create a better habit.
You can’t fix a problem by putting the majority of your energy and focus on what’s wrong. You fix a problem, big or small (world hunger or a hangnail)—by focusing on the solution and then bringing action and appreciation into the mix.
Is it idealistic (or nearly impossible) to try to find something to appreciate in the face of something painful or horrible? Yes, it can be. But it’s the key to being able to change it. Plus, it just feels way better than staying stuck in feeling bad, powerless, frustrated, angry or resentful.
Let’s choose to create habits and ways of being that support living beautiful lives—lives that we find more to appreciate and be grateful for than we do to complain about.
Lives that our dear grandmas would be proud of.
Here’s to you! I know you will choose wisely.
How we stand out in our communities, our careers and even our families . . . . doesn’t have to be obnoxious to matter.
Sometimes, we may think that in order to stand out, we have to be different or to force ourselves to act in a manner that isn’t truly who we are. And when I say “stand out” I don’t mean the kind of stand out that people get from being obnoxious , rude or pushy.
I am talking about that authentic charisma that is a result of finding, honing and standing in your 100% authentic, raw, real truth.
The NO BS truth.
3 ways to stand out WITHOUT being obnoxious, rude or pushy—
1. Be real. Yep—you are enough, you matter, you have a special something, something that no other human has. Just be you!
2. Know thyself. How can you be real if you don’t know who you are? Honestly, this is the first step. You gotta spend time being with you, understanding you, knowing what you love/don’t love, desire/don’t desire. You need to spend time honing in on exactly what it is that makes you tick, tock and transcend.
3. Be courageous, take chances, be a big weird-o. You can’t be “in your zone” and move onto your next level of growth and awareness when you are stuck in the same comfort zone. Standing out may require you move through some fears, take some chances and put yourself out there (and yes, you may get rejected! It’s ok, remember #1—your are enough)
Our lives have become over busy, right? And what we need to do, is calm down, get clear about what we desire and then we need to choose that—daily. Daily choosing what we love and then rinse, repeat and revisit.
If you want love, choose to love and be as much about love as you can be.
If you want a bigger e-mail list or to sell more books—then how about just being super real and connecting from that place that is really you. Do it because it radiates YOU so deeply that people can’t say no.
Do it from the inner depths of your sweet little soul.
Dig deep, breath into the essence of you really are–you light filled super human you—and then let that shine through in your work, your love, your interaction with the check out clerk, the way you talk to your kids, the energy you infuse into you food, your home, etc…..
YOU GET TO CHOOSE HOW YOUR LIFE LOOKS AND HOW YOUR LIFE FEELS. IT’S ALL YOU BABY.
So choose, choose, choose wisely (and courageously, lovingly and with purpose)
Yes, that is me right there in front the Eiffel tower with my lovely daughters.
One of my bucket list items was to take them to France and Italy for a couple weeks and it was such an incredible experience.
I have a thing for France (I am there yearly) but this was my girls first time to get to experience the whole European thing.
It was truly a memory I will cherish FOREVER! (thank you God)
Some people may look at this and think “great, its easy for her . . . she has money” or “how self-serving” and even “that won’t ever happen for me.”
I so get this, because I used to think and say those things (and in fact, sometimes I slip and find myself falling back into patterns that don’t help me live to my full potential)
But the truth is—I didn’t get to the Eiffel tower, to spending weeks in Europe and having incredible relationships and experiences—by coming up with great excuses and justifications.
I worked on my shit.
I healed the places that were stuck, dark, angry and just plain icky.
We can’t get to our next “level” of growth and awareness if we are stuck in patterns that were responsible for getting us there in the first place.
Simply, we need to change if we want things to change. And it’s really not that hard.
Scary? Maybe a little.
But whats worse? Stretching to a new level and feeling some discomfort along the way—with the hope of creating new, great things in your life.
Or……playing it safe, staying where you are because it’s “a sure thing, ” safe or comfortable.
What feels better? What feels worse?
All it takes to live a life you really want—is to consciously know what it is you desire, write it down, nurture is like a tiny baby kitten and then get (and STAY) excited about that tiny baby kitten (which is the love, the travel, the experiences, the new home, the healed relationship with your mom)
You can’t expect to get to Paris, when your stuck in Wal-mart (no disrespect if you’re a Wal-Mart lover—it just creates a feeling of “lack of” whenever I have ventured in there)
You can’t expect to feel high energy and on top of the world, when your feelings and beliefs have you feeling buried.
You cant have a ton of $$ in your bank account when you FEEL broke.
You start the process of living an exquisite life by actually starting to live like you have one.
But how? How do you get from feeling mostly burnout to feeling beautiful?
You take baby steps and you are relentless about doing nothing other than working on feeling good, feeling better and being clear about your desires. You gotta know what it is you want first, then you gotta learn to be a vibrational match to that thing.
Then you sit back, chill-ax and know it’s coming (but you cant get irritated + annoyed if you think you’re not getting it when you want it…you can’t fall into that trap)
Most people won’t be able to jump from broke to billion, so you start one day at a time, choose your thoughts, feelings and actions to line up with your Eiffel tower—that thing that truly lights you up and that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy.
p.s. what’s your Eiffel tower? What’s that thing you want to conquest next? Let’s get on it! Share with me—I wanna know!