Success. It’s a choice, believe it or not.
The believing part is actually one of the biggest secrets to finding, having , keeping and enjoying success . . . more on that later.
What is success?
Is it money, fame, six pack abs, world travel, a large house, a walk in closet full of shoes (yes!) or is it the love of your life, happiness, feeling connected to your truth, being with friends and family (YES!), or peak health?
Maybe its a combination of those things for you.
To truly achieve success, you first have to define what it means for you.
Success is personal. You define it. Not society, your friends, your parents, not even wikipedia.
Success isn’t some far away, unreachable thing. It is closer than you think. It is as close, or far away as you make it.
It is a choice, as are most things in life.
You choose your thoughts and feelings about success. You choose your thoughts and feelings about anything, actually.
No one forces you to think a certain way.
The reason why many people think being successful is out of reach is primarily because of the beliefs they hold about success.
Yes, there are those that simply don’t want to do the work. But there are also those that don’t choose to do the work because they feel it will be too hard, too much struggle and discomfort.
Do you enjoy doing something when your dominant feeling about it is that it’s going to be super difficult or painful even? Not me.
What if we started to view success as a gift? What if we saw success as our personal road to evolving, stepping into our power, our dreams and our desires? Rather than the dominant viewpoint that its a massive struggle?
Change the thought, to change the thing.
We are so programmed to think it’s hard to get what we want.
How about replacing that with the thought that achieving your definition of success is possible, is within reach and isn’t a brutal experience of difficulty, struggle and pain?
I was talking to a good friend about this recently and they said “It’s hard to be successful, that’s why there isn’t lot of competition, its just too hard for most people.”
I get that, but in all honesty, is the alternative any easier?
Is the alternative of just giving up on what you want easy? Is it easy to settle? Is it easy to try to convince yourself you are happy when you really aren’t? Is it easy to struggle to pay bills? is it easy to have broken relationships? A broken heart?
How about starting to believe that it might just be possible to be successful, on your terms. Or, replace the word “success’ with any word—health, wealth, happiness, consciousness, or connection to truth.
It really comes down to a choice of what you think and feel. Choose successful thoughts to get a successful life.
Leave a comment and let me know what the one thing is that you want to change, or shift in order to feel more successful in your life! I want to know.
Action steps—write these down, journal about it. Get it on paper!!
- What is your definition of success?
- What is the one biggest thing you want to work on, right now, that would make you feel more successful?
- What is one thing you can do in the next week to get that ball rolling?
The believing part. To have anything, we first have to believe it is possible. If you want success, it starts with seeing it, believing it, knowing that you can have it, and being unwavering in that.
Commit to 15 minutes a day, at least 3 days a week, to meditating (or sitting quietly, if the idea of meditation makes you squirm) and focus on just being still, seeing this one thing you are wanting to shift, that will make you feel more successful, as already existing. See yourself as already having this thing that makes you feel successful. See it. Feel it. Know it.
You got this.
Evolve. Grow. Be your best self. Find your purpose. Live your dreams. Make it happen. Just do it. Reach for the top.
I see the value in all of the above words and concepts, Yet, I do think there are times we just need to play hooky from it all.
Don’t you sometimes just need a break?
To chill out and just bask in the beauty and brilliance of doing nothing.
Can we let go of having to do, do, do and just be, be, be?
If doing nothing doesn’t float your boat, then what about just stepping away from things that feel heavy, like a weight on your shoulders, boring, dull, or time wasting—for a bit?
And, please hear this loud and clear—I don’t advocate truly being “bad” or walking away from important responsibilities.
That is not my point.
My point is, we often feel bad for not liking things we are taught we should like. We place pressure on ourselves to fit a mold, do things a certain way or “measure up.”
Yuk! I say play hooky from that thought.
We feel like we are bad or wrong if we take a break from these things, create boundaries, or completely walk away from things that don’t light our fire.
It’s not bad to play hooky at times. In some circumstance, it might be the best thing for you.
Or, another way of saying this is—take a break from the things that you don’t enjoy and add more of things you do enjoy into your life.
I’m not talking about the scrubbing of the toilet and paying bills. I am talking about the ways in which we settle for less than we know we deserve.
I am talking about those times, when your soul needs a break—even if you or others see it as being bad.
Give that to yourself.
It’s important to take a look at the times you do feel like playing hooky, or escaping. If your instinct is to run away, to leave, to hide and to lie to get out of having to do something, then you should examine why you are doing that thing in the first place.
If something causes us pain, discomfort and misery in life . . . why are we still doing it?
Why do we persist in jobs we don’t like, relationships that are harmful or negative and why do we allow things in our life that make us unhappy?
I am suggesting you try to find a way . . . even if its just on an emotional level, to take a break from those things.
Yes, there is value in hard work personal challenges and working through struggles, but not as the dominant theme in our lives.
Not if it makes you feel burdened, tired, bored, stressed, overwhelmed on a regular basis.
That is natures way of saying—play hooky from this thing you are forcing yourself to do.
It’s not that it’s bad to give yourself a break. It’s that we’ve been trained to feel that feeling good is bad—in certain circumstances.
Find a way to play hooky from the things that are bringing you down in life and say yes to that which feeds your soul.
It’s ok to just enjoy. To just be.
Leave a comment below and let me know how you feel about this. In what area of your life do you need to give yourself a break?
First off, remember the golden rule “If you cant say anything nice don’t say anything at all.”
But doesn’t that sometimes just feel like you are the one getting short changed?
Doesn’t it just sometimes feel like those mean, negative nellies and neds need to be put in their place, and have one massive karmic review done?
Trust me when I say, this one was hard for me. I was challenged big time on this one going through a difficult divorce and also making the decision to pursue my love of writing + coaching.
The divorce situation if almost understandable(albeit frustrating), but why the coaching and writing? Why would people be negative about that?
Why would anyone be negative towards you when you decide to chase your dreams, speak your truth,and live your passions?
Because it stirs up their fears, their insecurities, and their wounds. If they are bashing what you are doing, and picking on you—chances are they see you stepping into your light, and they notice how they have allowed their own light to be dimmed.
There are going to be those that try to knock you down—always.
When we, as entrepreneurs—CHOOSE to spread our wings and GO FOR IT—it can stir up stuff in others.
It’s not you. It’s not about you.
And it really doesn’t matter what they think about you.
What they think of you is not the point. How you react to negativity—in any form—is the point.
The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth is that—you got rise above it. You’ve got to let it go. You’ve got to pull a Ghandi and CHOOSE THE HIGHER ROAD.
Even though it can feel like a pesky little dog bitting at your heels, you gotta find a way to set healthy boundaries, and to not attach to the negativity—that is what most of them want.
They want to prod you enough until you bite back. They want your energy.
They want to prove that you really aren’t that committed, really aren’t that clear and really aren’t that focused.
Don’t let the energy vampires drain your light, your truth, your power. Don’t do it.
This doesn’t mean ignoring it and not standing up for yourself, but it does mean not engaging in unhealthy reactions. You can speak your truth in a calm, clear, grounded way and transcend the unhealthy pattern of being reactive towards negativity.
Your mantra in a tough situation would go like this . . .
“Right now, right here, I have two choices. I can choose to react, engage and let this throw me off track, or I can allow the feelings, recognize them, and CHOOSE to let it go. I choose to feel good.”
The secret to all this is that once you master this, all the sudden these people go away. It’s like the universe popping in every now and then, to see if you have this lesson handled. The less you react and engage, the less they will be biting at your heels.
Try it for 30 days and see what happens. Choose to react differently.
Leave a comment below and let me know how you deal with difficult people!
p.s. Song recommendation: Blind Melon—No Rain.
Last week I talked about hiring a coach or mentor to up level your life and business. Now that you have that perfect coach or mentor, we need to chat a little bit about the copycat syndrome.
As I am sure you can gather from the name, the copycat syndrome, is when, well . . . we copy people in our life or business.
Now why the heck would we do such a thing?
Gosh, we just found this dreamy coach that has this dialed in message, they have this unbelievable brand and clearly they have it all figured out. And you say, “ I want what they have! If I just do what they are doing, I will get their results! Right?”
Wrong! Well, partially wrong.
It’s not that simple. I mean, yes, there are obviously things you might want to consider copying or maybe a better word would be following—like advice on how to market, the practical how-to stuff of running a business or amazing life.
But what I am not talking about is copying websites, content, their personal style, their wording, their programs or offerings—or their ideas.
We’ve all heard the saying “Imitation is the highest form of flattery” but is it really?
Marketing ideas, branding ideas, things to help with the logistical aspects of running a business or having a masterful life. Yes, take that advice and integrate it into your life, but done be a copycat.
It screams that you don’t truly believe in you.
Here are some things to consider in regards to not falling into the copycat syndrome:
- Make your business + life your own. Your authenticity (or being real) is what will attract people and it’s what will make you stand out in the sea of online gurus, marketers and entrepreneurs. Copying someone else’s deal with only drive people away from you. Plus, it’s just lame.
- Its’ most easy to fall into this trap when you aren’t feeling confident, feeling a bit lost in your life and business or are just getting started in a new venture. So, remember to choose you. Choose self-care, tuning everything else out and just BEING with you. Meditate. Find yourself damnit!
- Remember to notice what you like about others and then find your unique spin on it. For example, say you really like how a coach does mostly online videos rather than blog posts. You prefer that too. You notice that they do a weekly Q and A, or something like that. DON’T copy their mannerisms or their format—do something really YOU.
- What do you love? What do people seek you out for? What would you do regardless if people paid you for it, or even knew about it? Music? Art? Cooking? Jokes? What makes you special? Capitalize on your gifts, your strengths and your passions. Use it. Find an interesting way to incorporate that into your business.
- I have found in my life and coaching business, that we people are in that “ I don’t know, I can’t figure it out, I am not sure” phase, that what they are really saying is that they are out of touch with what they want and out of touch with themselves. If you feel that way often, then I would get coaching on exactly that topic. It is beyond liberating to break free of that tormenting voice of “I don’t know.” Because the truth is—you do know.
- Take a break from everyone else’s newsletters, suggestions and idea for awhile. Get off the guru hopping! If you really can’t access YOUR voice, you need to tune the other ones out for a while to find YOU in there. Give it a break. Choose to find you by stepping away from all the other information.
In some respects, most everything is recycled information. Someone just finds a way to put his or her unique spin on it.
So, I understand that it can be hard to avoid the copycat syndrome in some respects. Sometimes it happens and people don’t even realize it, but mostly, it happens because we aren’t listening to our truths, our voices, our passions + inner fire.
Being successful in life or in your business is about being successful with you. You come first.
Being real is about being you, not about trying to be like someone else—that’s already being done. Be you, 100%, homegrown organic. That is what people are going to find the most charismatic, alluring and well, real.
Merci et xxoo
Carrie Jolie Dale
Choose you. What’s the first thing you think when you read this?
That’s selfish. I already do choose me. I am not even sure what she’s talking about. I don’t have time. I don’t need to. That’s rubbish!
Any of those ring true for you?
I thought I was choosing me, but when I really took a good look at it, I actually put everyone else before me. I would drop anything in a heartbeat for those I loved. I would put things that were my passions and soul callings to the side to help others. I was brilliant at self-sacrifice.
I thought it was selfish and uncaring it I didn’t.
I mean, they need me. They need you too, right? I mean the dishes have to get done, the kids need driving, and the partner needs help. You have to help them. It’s your job.
Or, is it?
Let’s get really real here. Do you really need to drop everything for everyone else? How about putting what matters to you in the lead, at times? I am not suggesting dropping your responsibilities. I am just urging you to realize this is your life and you only have a certain number of days here. So . . .
Let’s make it matter.
Leave your mark. Sing. Be happy. Go skinny-dipping. Play with your kids. Write that book. Paint that painting. Play your piano. Hug more. Eat the cake—guilt free.
You can, CHOOSE YOU, and still be there for others, live your truth and be fulfilled. Be carefree and easy about it.